plz talk dirty to me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
