im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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