i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
