U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I could fuck to npr.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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