your thong is hanging out like whoa
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
