Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
