As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
