She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
