and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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