I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
