The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
