I think I am morally bankrupt
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize