your room smells of hookers.
And success
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
