On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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