Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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