I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize