If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
