how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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