I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i think my cat just said my name.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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