take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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