nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
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Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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