Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
