OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
