Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.

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(248): View more from Michigan

am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????

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(517): View more from Michigan

Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...

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(864): View more from South Carolina

If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"

(1-864): View more from South Carolina

as in "white"?

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(540): View more from Virginia

Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.

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(806): View more from Texas

Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.

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(516): View more from New York

I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.

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(850): View more from Florida

HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.

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(770): View more from Georgia

I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.

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