Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just gift wrapped bread.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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