I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
