yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
