so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just google imaged poop.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
