it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My feet surprised me
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