Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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