Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
is that a dick in a sweater?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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