You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
