2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
