I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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