I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
