No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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