He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
