It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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