What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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