Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
