hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
