Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
