you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hippo gnu deer
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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