This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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