I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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