i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize