ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Congratulations! We have a period
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
