So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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