ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
