A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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