I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
