There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
