i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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