i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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