it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
