If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
