The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
