Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
