I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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