I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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