so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
