Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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