exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
