So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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