im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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