That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
