do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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