you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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