I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
