My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
