You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
