Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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