God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize